Two days later, watching them perform at Harewood House, I decided it was the best idea I'd ever heard.

The reason for this change of heart was not because I thought they could do with some fresh blood or extra helping of vocal talent – far from it.

It was because seeing them in all their sequin-spangled, hair-swinging, booty-shaking glory made me realise what I wanted more than anything in the world – even more than being caught in a love triangle with Lost's Jack and Sawyer – was to be the sixth member of GA.

I've been a fan from the very beginning, with a serious addiction to Popstars: The Rivals, which produced the chart-toppers.

But surely even anyone who can't stand them or their music must see that they have one of the coolest jobs in the world.

Prancing around on stage and on glamorous video shoots, wearing amazing costumes, burning more calories than you could possibly consume and developing a killer body while practising your dance routines, and having a creative genius to take care of your hair, make-up and clothes.

In concert they looked like they were having the best-ever girls' night out – and they were getting paid for it and being idolised by the crowd!

Of course, as you might have imagined, there are a couple of stumbling blocks for a 30-something with the vocal talents of a strangled cat and the dance skills of David Brent.

But hey, where's the fun if it's too easy?

Things to do before applying for the new role include: learn to sing; learn to dance like a sex kitten; tone up wobbly bits.

Secondary aims include: buy shares in San Tropez fake tan to maintain caramel coloured skin all year round; have hair extensions and invest in mineral water to wash my locks in for ultimate shine; practise the obligatory wide-eyed pout, essential for any occasion.

I've drawn up my battle plan and am already devoting an unhealthy amount of time leaping around the lounge in front of the TV trying to mimic their moves.

I'm not in the least bit put off that the band has denied they're searching for another member.

Celebs never want you to know the truth about what they're up to until they're ready to tell.

Look at Brad and Angelina when they hooked up, and Sienna and Rhys.

Of course, like all delusional fans, I'm convinced the girls will love me as much as I love them if I can only get close enough to them...

Altogether now: "I'm just a love machine…"


When mothers should stay mum


It's reassuring to see that whatever lofty heights you reach your parents always retain the power to embarrass you.

I refer to golden girl Rebecca Adlington, who must have dived under the duvet when she saw the Daily Mirror's front-page headline claiming she was set to wed her boyfriend, followed up by a small disclaimer along the lines of: "Her mum hopes".

The medal winner's mother was spilling the beans on what a great son-in-law Andy Mayor would make and how she hoped they would have cause to break out the bubbly again soon.

If I was Rebecca I'd be a bit narked with the newspaper for choosing a photo and headline that made it look like he had already proposed.

But I'd be far more mortified that my mother was pressuring my boyfriend to pop the question – not just in front of friends and family but in front of the entire nation.

I know she appreciates her family's support in helping her achieve her Olympic dreams but she won those gold medals on her own merit and I'm sure she's more than capable of landing herself a husband without any help too.


There's a word for it...


Hot on the heels of holi-stay – the word of the week in my last column, meaning a holiday spent at home – I have another addition to your vocabulary.

The definition is someone who prefers the company of their pets to people, which I have to admit is me most of the time. So, if you'd rather walk your dog or snuggle up with your cat than prop up a bar with your mates, you have a brand new title.

Stand tall and join me in proudly pronouncing yourself a fully-fledged… "petrosexual".

How cute is that?


Wising up to stylish owls

Trawling the shops for a necklace to match a wedding outfit I found myself surrounded by owl pendants.

Knowing the owl is one of the symbols of Leeds – it features on the city's coat of arms – I thought they must have been produced to commemorate some special local anniversary that I'd never heard of.

But it seemed strange they would be a) so stylish and b) on sale in Topshop and Accessorize rather than in cardboard boxes on the front counter at Leeds Town Hall.

Anyway, careful online research revealed owls are THE latest trend.

And they're not just limited to necklaces; they're on everything from tee shirts to pumps, brooches and rings.

I'm not sure who's responsible or whether it's anything to do with Harry Potter mania but here in Leeds we can take the credit for spotting the owl's iconic value long before any of those stick-thin fashionistas.

Now I know I'm not going to be mistaken for a distinctly unfashionable local historian, I'm going to snap up one of those pendants.

I'd be a t-wit (t-woo) not to.