I couldn't believe anyone really cared about half of these so-called sports apart from the people taking part.

Anybody for javelin throwing, weightlifting, long jump, softball or handball?

And does anyone know when the finals of the egg-and-spoon, Buckaroo and Twister are on?

At least with beach volleyball its appeal is blatantly obvious, although when I heard the phrase "regulation-sized bikinis" I thought that was to stop them being too skimpy – not to stop them covering up too much.

In that case, can the male teams please leave their vests and shorts in the changing rooms and compete in just their Speedos please?

Speedos aside, I have to admit, ever since that mind-bogglingly spectacular opening ceremony I've been hooked.

It's all so bright and colourful, it's more like watching a festival than a sporting event.

And all that bulging skin-tight lycra; a veritable smorgasboard of beefcake; the adrenaline-pumping excitement of seeing Team GB take gold – it beats anything else on the box these days.

Although when the only alternatives are talent shows and makeover challenges for people, homes, restaurants and clothes, I guess that's not really saying much.

If I was an Olympic judge I'd award the BBC a gold medal for recruiting the Gorillaz guys Jamie Hewlett and Damon Albarn to produce those super-cool monkey animations to promote its coverage.

Sport has never been so trendy.

Exciting

And in fact, watching events like showjumping, diving and gymnastics is infinitely more exciting than the standard TV diet of rugby, football and cricket we're usually served week-in, week-out.

It's also great to see sportswomen in action instead of just men, although you've got to pity the female swimmers.

As if it's not bad enough wearing a skin-tight rubber sheath on your head in front of millions, you've also got dripping wet hair and not a scrap of make-up on in all your medal ceremony shots.

I don't know why they didn't recruit Gok Wan to work his magic with a few key accessories and a quick lick of mascara in the changing rooms.

Mark my words, he'll be a key member of Team GB for London 2012.

There's been so much coverage I've even learned a few facts.

Fact one: Michael Phelps has to consume around 10,000 calories a day when he's training.

His typical breakfast is three fried egg sandwiches; cheese; tomatoes; lettuce; fried onions; mayonnaise; three chocolate-chip pancakes; five-egg omelette; three sugar-coated slices of French toast; bowl of grits; two cups of coffee.

It's a miracle he can even move after that, never mind go swimming.

Fact two: the bikes they ride round and round and round and round and round in the velodrome apparently weigh only 4kg and cost a ridiculous £500,000.

Fact three: The gold medals aren't even made of gold – they're silver, covered in a layer of gold.

Fact four: Daisy Dick is not a cartoon character or a porn star, she's a British three-day eventer.