I've been a fan of the BBC2 show from the start and not just because of tough-talking sexy dragon Peter Jones.

But this series has added appeal.

With one good idea, these nutters and brainboxes who stand before the panel dreaming of being the next Richard Branson could just find their ticket to a life of luxury, while the rest of us are suffering sleepless nights muttering words like credit crunch, recession, redundancies and interest rates.

Those of us from the Spend it Like Beckham generation have enough on our Nigella plates just getting to grips with the concept that we might soon have to start wearing our "disposable fashion" purchases more than once.

Opportunity

But as a glass half-full type I'm determined to see this penny-pinching period as an opportunity.

Just like the new mums who come up with genius business ideas when presented with the challenge of looking after a baby, I'm hoping the fear of what lies ahead in these uncertain times – which one Leeds businessman described as "carnage on the streets" – will spur me on to develop that millionaire-mind I've read so much about.

So I now spend all my spare time staring misty-eyed into space.

But behind the vacant expression the cogs are whirring – or at least clunking – into action.

And while I can't claim the money-making ideas are coming thick and fast, they are trickling in.

The idea is to create a business while still holding down my day job, so I can pay those ever-rising bills.

Obviously I can't list any of the decent ones in case you pinch them, turn them into reality and run off to Necker Island to hang out with the stars and squander the squillions of pounds that are rightfully mine

So I thought I'd share some of the rejects.

Idea 1: Saw a local shop had run out of millionaire's shortbread.

Planned to make a batch, supply that shop, then other local businesses, rapidly expand into Mr Kipling-esque baking empire, then retire at 40.

Ditched because: Discovered how millionaire's shortbread (shortbread, caramel and chocolate) got its name. You need oodles of cash to make it.

After a day of hard labour which resulted in myself and the kitchen being covered in said ingredients, calculated we would have to remortgage the house to make enough to supply just one shop and with a profit margin of around 20p per slab I'd be better off doing a paper round.

Idea 2: Convert part of house into cattery and make my fortune from feline care.

Ditched because: Not enough cash to convert a sausage and would need to spend all cash earned on plug-in air fresheners to combat stink from dozens of litter trays.

Idea 3: Become dog walker – added bonus of burning calories while earning.

Ditched because: Realised I would have to get up in the middle of the night to get the job done before starting real job at 8am.

Not sure whether benefits of extra exercise balance out deprivation of beauty sleep.

Also, not sure I'm cut out for poop-scooping. I like to accessorise with a Mulberry bag, vintage scarf or string of pearls – not half a dozen plastic bags filled with doggy-doo.

Idea 3: Make my own cards for birthdays, weddings, baby arrivals etc. Calculated this would save me at least £80 a year and on top of that I would be making extra cash from selling my home-made cards cheaper than the shops.

Ditched because: I lack the arts and crafts gene.

Other than designing cards and pretending a child has done them, there's more chance of Gordon Brown being voted sexiest man in the world than anyone handing over hard-earned pennies for a card I've produced.

In conclusion, it's safe to say you won't be seeing me in this series of Dragons' Den.

But I never say never.

If in the seventh series you see a nutty-looking woman with a dog made from sticky-back plastic and tissue paper and wearing roller skates, and she's describing her "ingenious" plan to help speed up "walkies", look a bit closer.

If she's throwing lovesick glances in Peter Jones's direction, it might just be me.


It's enough to make you sick


There are some sights so hideous no one should have to see them.

Jade Goody naked in BB3 and bloated Britney clambering out of cars minus pants, for example.

But something I saw in my own kitchen the other day truly turned my stomach.

The cats had spilled some food and a spider was standing there with its fangs lodged in a chunk of meat, chomping away. I nearly vomited on the spot.

Next I felt something warm and squishy underfoot.

I squealed and jumped, thinking I'd stood on a kitten's paw, only to look down and see a slimy slug between my bare toes.

When your morning starts that badly there's only one thing for it – get back to bed and start afresh tomorrow.


Calling all cat owners.

Do anyone else's pets prefer to drink water from your glass rather than from their bowl, even if this means jamming their head inside and stretching their tongue to its limits?

If so, why?

And is it wrong to then drink out of it yourself because you can't be bothered to go and refill it?